Follow Me

 ~ “You know, as we come to the end of this phase of our life, we find ourselves trying to remember the good times and trying to forget the bad times, and we find ourselves thinking about the future. We start to worry, thinking, "What am I gonna do? Where am I gonna be in ten years?" But I say to you, "Hey, look at me!" Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did.”  
 ~ Robin Williams (from the movie Jack)

As I work on gathering this blog post together, it has served me well.

While some people exist in a world that is perfectly tied with a red ribbon, mine consists of uncertainty, wrapped in a delicate casing of bedlam. For those that have followed my journey, I have never walked the tight rope of life with stability; rather I have dangled underneath as one hand swings in front of the other, onto the frayed line. 

Five years ago when I departed the ‘concrete jungle,’ I left behind the man, who I envisioned as a character in my book. Having an ocean to separate us, I felt a taste of release that I had not known. Over time, as my adventure- seeking heart embarked on solo treks to the open seas, climbed mountains and slept under the stars, I felt a stirring come alive. 

While quests saw me map out escapades, my footsteps took me through the corridors of castles infused with Canadian history…every brick containing the fingerprints of the past.

Attending events saw a new approach as I could linger or snap endless photographs. On several occasions, I took part in the yearly Diversity conference at UVIC. Additionally, I sat in silence through a four-part series hosted by the GVPL, on Residential schools and the horrible abuse and deaths of Aboriginal children.

Here is a one minute video clip from Heritage Minutes: Chanie Wenjack 

https://youtu.be/v_tcCpKtoU0

I discovered long ago in the research for my book, the dark underbelly of our country. 

In wanting to uphold the meaning of praying it forward, I supported local charities and served through my church, along with my community. I sat amongst the homeless and heard their stories; then I became homeless and understood a great deal more. 

In celebrating Christmas, one year my friend Terry gave me one of the best reasons of the season, as I was blessed with an abundance of gifts from the hearts of strangers, I did not even know. Being without a home, in times of my adversity, I was overcome with emotion as I discovered a pair of socks. 

Additionally, my broken smile was restored.  Through a combination of a  friend, a stranger and the generosity of a local dentist, all contributed to the repair of my teeth. The beautiful result does not mean I have the perfect Hollywood grin; rather it is my smile- imperfect yet full of brilliance. Yesterday, I had a lapse and used my gnashers to roll up the rim on a Timmie’s cup…it is a reminder how human I am- flaws and all 😊

As time has progressed, the unravelling of my grief, has been intertwined with the need to let go more of my daughter’s belongings. Recently, I moved my stuff to a new storage place offering security and wonderful customer service. In sorting through boxes, I made the decision to go through Shayla’s baby clothes and finally give up fragments of cloth that once held her life. It is a milestone I have reached six years after her death- one of acceptance. Through my faith journey, I have come to be grateful for 21 years jam packed of love, turbulence, craziness and laughter. As my daughter awaits my arrival someday into heaven, I continue to grow as my Father walks beside me. 

This Island I have lived on also encompasses friends, who have been more like family. There is no measure of what each one has given; yet I can say whole- heartily had it not been for all they gifted along the way, I would not have the same quality of life.

On the flip side of this are the friends I ‘left behind’ to come to Vancouver Island. Those whose cards filled with kindness, care packages, emails and support of my blogs, have left me humbled and overjoyed for our friendships shared. 

A few weeks ago, a spiritual friend of mine for many years, Sarah, shared with me an image that made my entire being fill with shivers. The image is titled: "A Keeper's Promise."

"A Keeper's Promise" Autumn Skye Morrison

 If ever I felt as if something was painting exclusively for me and my journey, this is it. The connection to my daughter, Shayla Rae Dawn, blossomed with Autumn Skye Morrison’s stunning artistry.

My daughter’s symbol of transformation was the butterfly. She also loved to wear pearls and many pictures have her looking beautiful in a strand of them.

A Keeper's Promise has both of these things. In the woman, I see a reflection of me. Within the image is a butterfly perched on the shoulder, where on the left I have a memorial tattoo created by my daughter (inked after her passing).

As a writer, one of my greatest passions has been to pen my first novel, "Under the Sitka Tree." I was working on my book before my daughter died. Shayla would come up to me, reach out with her pinky finger to mine and say: "A Promise is a Promise.” This referred to me completing my book and getting it published.

The woman holding a tree with roots echo's the quote for my book:

"We Are Bound by Our Roots, Not by Our Feet" ~ TL Alton

In my life here, I have faced many fears, while discovering a warrior within. I have also come to understand the power of forgiveness releases me from the death grip of a tumultuous past. 

Sometimes being brave means we have to hold on tight, and sometimes it means we have to let go. Sometimes bravery requires staying with it, and sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to walk away. Bravery is doing the right thing, the truest thing, the best thing...no matter how afraid or uncomfortable we are. ~ Brave Girls Club 

In reconnecting with my family, I pray for them to be free from their own demons. I know I cannot fix them, heal either of them or hold them to expectations they are not able to keep. I can simply love and lift their names to the Lord. 

This past year, another battle I faced, was my health. After completing 2 months of Physio, receiving Kinesiology and massage therapy, I returned to a lifestyle that includes healthier eating and a daily exercise regimen. My core strength is stronger and I have benefited from water fit at the pool. 

Meanwhile, during these months, I felt God preparing me for something colossal. Given that I have been living in a Christian home, where I rent a room, Jesus is embedded in these walls. I began to add more scripture to my daily readings, while researching beyond my Bible and most importantly…I listened with an open mind.

Just as Abraham was not a settled man, nor was he a wanderer…he was a combination of the two and I believe the same is true for me. 

The Island I have resided on has been my desert, where I have walked through many a ravaging storm; where fires that threatened me, were put out in Christ’s name. At times, when I felt the waters try to swallow me whole, I cried out to Jesus and came out cleansed on the other side. 

“Often we try to bloom where God doesn’t intend us to be.” ~ ODB

In remaining single, I stood my ground when the enemy came a courting in the shape of a lamb. What could have been my next ugly disaster, ended swiftly, when I claimed the Lord’s power over me and the situation.

In making my decision to depart from the Island- this blog post- Uprooted Transformation, also comes to an end. In making room for new beginnings in April, I will begin posting on a blog I have created that will reflect, where I am at in my life. 

This is a soul journey of faith as I have trust in Him.

Seeing that a chapter comes to an end here, I am lit up with the love for my Saviour.

If I am to burn…it will be with the words of scripture. 

“You are on the right path. Listen more to Me, and less to your doubts. I am leading you along the way I designed just for you. Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking. But I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are never alone. Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, any more than you can comprehend My dealings with others. I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, and moment by moment. As I said to My disciple Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow Me.”

~ Jesus Calling 

By TL Alton

The Gift of Life

^{We mark our celebrations with grains of sand from our past – each one an infinite reminder that we existed in this world. February 24th is the day twenty- eight years ago, I was blessed with the birth of a child …}

^{so unique she was, I gifted her with the name Shayla ~ from the place of the Fairies.} 

^{In composing this tribute post to my daughter in Heaven, I read the following passage that I share from Our Daily Bread:} 

^{A family friend who, like us, lost a teenager in a car accident wrote a tribute to her daughter, Lindsay, in the local paper. One of the most powerful images in her essay was this: After mentioning the many pictures and remembrances of Lindsay she had put around their house, she wrote, “She is everywhere, but nowhere.”}

^{Although our daughters still smile back at us from their photos, the spirited personalities that lit up those smiles are nowhere to be found. They are everywhere—in our hearts, in our thoughts, in all those photos—but nowhere.}

^{Our greatest comfort in sorrow is knowing God is with us.}

^{But Scripture tells us that, in Christ, Lindsay and Melissa are not really nowhere. They are in Jesus’s presence, “with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8). They are with the One who, in a sense, is “nowhere but everywhere.” After all, we don’t see God in a physical form. We certainly don’t have smiling pictures of Him on our mantel. In fact, if you look around your house, you may think He is nowhere. But just the opposite is true. He is everywhere!}

^{This also echo’s within my heart… as I can also see the spark that Shayla was in earthly fireworks. I say that she is everywhere in places I never expected.}

^{Much like the glowing butterfly image in the sky, my eyes have witnessed glints of her, in memories set in time.}

^{Along the mountainsides we hiked and the waterfalls spilling forth from the carved, basalt, rock…Shayla is there. When my gaze tilts to the heavens, they spill forth into my vision, recollections of watching shooting stars with my daughter.}

 ^{Standing at the window, she is there gazing towards an eternal life. At Redwood Park, traipsing through the Fairy Forest, I recall catching a glint of her blue eyes as she navigated the roots of the woodlands. Twirling along the shoreline at White Rock, my beloved babygirl’s footsteps are long gone – washed by the sea.} 

^{Her sparks from our hotel window in Florida… they weave, as I remember the innocence of a child, emerging through a young lady in Disneyworld.}

^{I reminisce of the grace seeing Shayla dancing on a street, within her free spirit, often with music only she could hear.}

^{My heart swells with life as I think of the countless trips to the ocean, which she felt called out to her. Toes dipped in salty water, pockets full of seashells; my daughter was cleansed by Mother Nature.}

^{I find many depths of healing in the sparks that remain.} 

^{As I connect with music, I happened to find a song that reflects all of which I have spoken of. This spectacular display which radiates ingenuity, also expresses how I feel, so much that at 2:45 in the video it reminded me of a life lived and come to pass. The words to Sleeping At Last - "Saturn" do not began until 2:26…allowing the optical senses to be treated with sparks of light.} 

^{I share this special video and the lyrics, as it is a beautiful reminder that we all can ignite our world.
Click on this link:>>>}

https://youtu.be/dzNvk80XY9s  ^{VIDEO By Sleeping At Last - "Saturn"}

One night, as my tears began to collect and leak out the grief that is received in the years since she has passed, I turned to a side bar in my Bible. 

^{A study was conducted with people over the age of ninety-five, who were asked one question: If you could live your life over, what would you do differently?}

^{One of the answers was repeated numerously:} 

^{“If I had to do it over again, I would do more things that would live on, after I am dead.”}

   

 ^{Later I discovered a quote that reiterates the same message…}

^{The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy. --Kalu Ndukwe Kalu}

Shayla lived… leaving behind many things each of us remembers her by. 

On the day I brought her into this world, this child of God is the one who gifted me with a life, worth living for.

^{By TL Alton}

HOPE -- (Less)

 




Hold On by Derek Hough RIV Video Link: https://youtu.be/zKxvx-lVdIA

WARNING! This post deals with serious subject matter. 

This personal story of Survivor-ship, expressed through a dance tribute video for a young man’s father, engages the viewer to step inside the world of suicide and loss. The message offers us Hope – a glimpse of what it is like to continue to exist, shining light into the corners of our broken hearts. 💔

As a survivor of many battles, I dedicate this post/video to those who have tragically lost their own fight and those who have triumphed after tragedy. 

“You can change someone’s life in three minutes with the right song.”

 ~ Bruce Springsteen (who has had a lifelong battle with depression) 

When I began to compile the sections of this post, I was faced to acknowledge my own demons that thankfully, I give glory to God that I survived. Yet everyday is indeed a battle. However, living with my mental health imperfection is the least of my concerns. After twenty years of proper diagnosis, I manage it…not the other way around. In looking at the checklist of my over coming’s, it is the invisible wounds I carry upon my body that are only visible to my Creator.

Last week, I read about a school in the Okanagan who instead of building a platform to openly talk about our scars, they chose to cover it up. 

Despite a Grade 9 Penticton student’s academic grades and exemplary school conduct, she was forced to sign a letter stating she would adhere to wearing long sleeves, while attending classes. Facing expulsion, the student agreed to the unusual requirement, to hide her self- harm scars. The letter was given so as to avoid creating an unwelcome environment to other students.

What the school had not counted on was the massive support of the student from her peers with a petition, who felt it is important not to further shame others, for having scars. Another organizer, Oliver Jansen, said the students are hoping to invoke change in the conversation about self-harm, and said it's harmful if students are forced to feel like they need to hide their situation.

Source: Colton Davies

Last night, I watched a documentary on the “Freedom Riders”— Civil rights activists who chose to enter in the heart of darkness—the south, on Greyhound buses to stand up against hatred. Afterwards, I could not shake the awful notion that racism in 2018 is alive and thriving.

As I mull over this past year, I see a theme of openness that continues to envelop our world. Clandestine encounters once kept in the shadows of Hollywood have come to light, yet the staggering accusations have muddled some of the truths. 

Nevertheless, the rising of voices have gained support in ways of a tattoo, signifying the end of an era of being told to hush- hush. 

 

 

Link to the Fire Rose Unity Survivor Tattoo and what it symbolizes: 

http://www.jacqueline-lin.com/survival.html

On February 28^th, I will again take part in PINK Shirt Day. Shirts and bracelets can be purchased at London Drugs. 100% of net proceeds are distributed to various organizations that support children’s healthy self-esteem, both with their peers and themselves. They teach empathy, compassion and kindness. Funds go to programs that impact over 59,300 children and youth, including the following:

    YMCA

    Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre of BC

    Boys and Girls Clubs of Western Canada

    Red Cross Canada

    LOVE BC

 About the Cause: 

“David Shepherd, Travis Price and their teenage friends organized a high-school protest to wear pink in sympathy with a Grade 9 boy who was being bullied [for wearing a pink shirt]…[They] took a stand against bullying when they protested against the harassment of a new Grade 9 student by distributing pink T-shirts to all the boys in their school. ‘I learned that two people can come up with an idea, run with it, and it can do wonders,’ says Mr. Price, 17, who organized the pink protest. ‘Finally, someone stood up for a weaker kid.’ So Mr. Shepherd and some other headed off to a discount store and bought 50 pink tank tops. They sent out message to schoolmates that night, and the next morning they hauled the shirts to school in a plastic bag. As they stood in the foyer handing out the shirts, the bullied boy walked in. His face spoke volumes. ‘It looked like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders,’ Mr. Price recalled. The bullies were never heard from again.” — Globe & Mail

All of the above, I have either been directly affected or a loved one has experienced.

In reading my daily truth from Brave Living, I am reminded of when I expose my secrets to the light, they no longer contain the poison used to keep me silent...

Dear Beloved Soul, 

Chances are, you’ve got some messes in your life that still need a bit of cleaning up…we all do, believe it or not.

It’s not the secrets that are hurting you…it’s what you tell yourself about the secrets…that if anyone knew them, you wouldn’t be lovable…and that because you have these secrets, you aren’t worthy of anything good…that as soon as you are “discovered” for “who you really are” that it’s all going to come crashing down.

If you’ve got some poison secrets…bring them out into the light…take their power away…drain them of your poison. Let them just be stories from your life that taught you, shaped you and gave you wisdom. You get to be who you are. And you get to do better every day. We are all growing, learning and becoming every day.

You are so very loved.
xoxo

By TL Alton