Follow Me

 ~ “You know, as we come to the end of this phase of our life, we find ourselves trying to remember the good times and trying to forget the bad times, and we find ourselves thinking about the future. We start to worry, thinking, "What am I gonna do? Where am I gonna be in ten years?" But I say to you, "Hey, look at me!" Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did.”  
 ~ Robin Williams (from the movie Jack)

As I work on gathering this blog post together, it has served me well.

While some people exist in a world that is perfectly tied with a red ribbon, mine consists of uncertainty, wrapped in a delicate casing of bedlam. For those that have followed my journey, I have never walked the tight rope of life with stability; rather I have dangled underneath as one hand swings in front of the other, onto the frayed line. 

Five years ago when I departed the ‘concrete jungle,’ I left behind the man, who I envisioned as a character in my book. Having an ocean to separate us, I felt a taste of release that I had not known. Over time, as my adventure- seeking heart embarked on solo treks to the open seas, climbed mountains and slept under the stars, I felt a stirring come alive. 

While quests saw me map out escapades, my footsteps took me through the corridors of castles infused with Canadian history…every brick containing the fingerprints of the past.

Attending events saw a new approach as I could linger or snap endless photographs. On several occasions, I took part in the yearly Diversity conference at UVIC. Additionally, I sat in silence through a four-part series hosted by the GVPL, on Residential schools and the horrible abuse and deaths of Aboriginal children.

Here is a one minute video clip from Heritage Minutes: Chanie Wenjack 

https://youtu.be/v_tcCpKtoU0

I discovered long ago in the research for my book, the dark underbelly of our country. 

In wanting to uphold the meaning of praying it forward, I supported local charities and served through my church, along with my community. I sat amongst the homeless and heard their stories; then I became homeless and understood a great deal more. 

In celebrating Christmas, one year my friend Terry gave me one of the best reasons of the season, as I was blessed with an abundance of gifts from the hearts of strangers, I did not even know. Being without a home, in times of my adversity, I was overcome with emotion as I discovered a pair of socks. 

Additionally, my broken smile was restored.  Through a combination of a  friend, a stranger and the generosity of a local dentist, all contributed to the repair of my teeth. The beautiful result does not mean I have the perfect Hollywood grin; rather it is my smile- imperfect yet full of brilliance. Yesterday, I had a lapse and used my gnashers to roll up the rim on a Timmie’s cup…it is a reminder how human I am- flaws and all 😊

As time has progressed, the unravelling of my grief, has been intertwined with the need to let go more of my daughter’s belongings. Recently, I moved my stuff to a new storage place offering security and wonderful customer service. In sorting through boxes, I made the decision to go through Shayla’s baby clothes and finally give up fragments of cloth that once held her life. It is a milestone I have reached six years after her death- one of acceptance. Through my faith journey, I have come to be grateful for 21 years jam packed of love, turbulence, craziness and laughter. As my daughter awaits my arrival someday into heaven, I continue to grow as my Father walks beside me. 

This Island I have lived on also encompasses friends, who have been more like family. There is no measure of what each one has given; yet I can say whole- heartily had it not been for all they gifted along the way, I would not have the same quality of life.

On the flip side of this are the friends I ‘left behind’ to come to Vancouver Island. Those whose cards filled with kindness, care packages, emails and support of my blogs, have left me humbled and overjoyed for our friendships shared. 

A few weeks ago, a spiritual friend of mine for many years, Sarah, shared with me an image that made my entire being fill with shivers. The image is titled: "A Keeper's Promise."

"A Keeper's Promise" Autumn Skye Morrison

 If ever I felt as if something was painting exclusively for me and my journey, this is it. The connection to my daughter, Shayla Rae Dawn, blossomed with Autumn Skye Morrison’s stunning artistry.

My daughter’s symbol of transformation was the butterfly. She also loved to wear pearls and many pictures have her looking beautiful in a strand of them.

A Keeper's Promise has both of these things. In the woman, I see a reflection of me. Within the image is a butterfly perched on the shoulder, where on the left I have a memorial tattoo created by my daughter (inked after her passing).

As a writer, one of my greatest passions has been to pen my first novel, "Under the Sitka Tree." I was working on my book before my daughter died. Shayla would come up to me, reach out with her pinky finger to mine and say: "A Promise is a Promise.” This referred to me completing my book and getting it published.

The woman holding a tree with roots echo's the quote for my book:

"We Are Bound by Our Roots, Not by Our Feet" ~ TL Alton

In my life here, I have faced many fears, while discovering a warrior within. I have also come to understand the power of forgiveness releases me from the death grip of a tumultuous past. 

Sometimes being brave means we have to hold on tight, and sometimes it means we have to let go. Sometimes bravery requires staying with it, and sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to walk away. Bravery is doing the right thing, the truest thing, the best thing...no matter how afraid or uncomfortable we are. ~ Brave Girls Club 

In reconnecting with my family, I pray for them to be free from their own demons. I know I cannot fix them, heal either of them or hold them to expectations they are not able to keep. I can simply love and lift their names to the Lord. 

This past year, another battle I faced, was my health. After completing 2 months of Physio, receiving Kinesiology and massage therapy, I returned to a lifestyle that includes healthier eating and a daily exercise regimen. My core strength is stronger and I have benefited from water fit at the pool. 

Meanwhile, during these months, I felt God preparing me for something colossal. Given that I have been living in a Christian home, where I rent a room, Jesus is embedded in these walls. I began to add more scripture to my daily readings, while researching beyond my Bible and most importantly…I listened with an open mind.

Just as Abraham was not a settled man, nor was he a wanderer…he was a combination of the two and I believe the same is true for me. 

The Island I have resided on has been my desert, where I have walked through many a ravaging storm; where fires that threatened me, were put out in Christ’s name. At times, when I felt the waters try to swallow me whole, I cried out to Jesus and came out cleansed on the other side. 

“Often we try to bloom where God doesn’t intend us to be.” ~ ODB

In remaining single, I stood my ground when the enemy came a courting in the shape of a lamb. What could have been my next ugly disaster, ended swiftly, when I claimed the Lord’s power over me and the situation.

In making my decision to depart from the Island- this blog post- Uprooted Transformation, also comes to an end. In making room for new beginnings in April, I will begin posting on a blog I have created that will reflect, where I am at in my life. 

This is a soul journey of faith as I have trust in Him.

Seeing that a chapter comes to an end here, I am lit up with the love for my Saviour.

If I am to burn…it will be with the words of scripture. 

“You are on the right path. Listen more to Me, and less to your doubts. I am leading you along the way I designed just for you. Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking. But I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are never alone. Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, any more than you can comprehend My dealings with others. I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, and moment by moment. As I said to My disciple Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow Me.”

~ Jesus Calling 

By TL Alton