For The Brave Girls in Our Lives

To live a bold and uncommon life, you are probably going to turn a lot of heads and make a lot of other heads shake in unbelief about the path you have chosen for yourself. ~ Brave Girls Club

This Christmas, my best friend Judy bought me this unique Heart Cockle shell. In October 2011, while in Hawaii for the first time, I had written a special blog dedication to Shayla about the shell.

Once the holidays are upon me, I settle into a place of acceptance that my life was set upon a different path since 2011. The mayhem, clamour and often dysfunction of Christmas’s past, have been filed into closed chapters of my life.
  
This year, I was missing the one person, who understands what it is like to have a daughter pass away. 

Flowers I bought for my BFF

I have written about my best friend Judy, many times since our first meeting on Christmas Day, several years ago. We know from the heavens, both Lindsay and Shayla, orchestrated our footsteps to one another. 

We try to see one another as much as possible, yet it had been months since Mother’s Day, when we had spent the day together. 

This December, I would spend part of my week with Judy and discover more about the person, I call my Forever friend. 

My morning view in Campbell River

At first, I did not recognize her as she walked towards me- cascading blonde, ribbon, highlights framing her heart shaped face. Then she smiled and when Judy does this, the creases around her eyes form glints of a welcome that makes everything seem right in this world. 

Our girls… if here, would be making funny faces over the way we seem to revert to a bunch of giggling 12 yr olds, in each other’s presences. 

Once settled where my friend is house and pet sitting, we delve into the stories of our lives. Soon, the rafters are filled with boisterous laughter. Her and I speak of plans to make…then realize that is pointless and decide to ‘wing it’. 

Metal artwork that greeted me- reminiscent of my own shielded heart

The beauty of our friendship is the openness we share with one another. No topic is off limits- as we discuss everything with a boldness that is not of judgement- rather one of support. 

At times throughout the years when the notion of giving up sneaks upon me, I have pondered how my BFF has encouraged me to keep on. I now understand it echoes her own sentiments of not wanting to quit- despite the circumstances. 

Our late nights were held in the company of several affectionate and gentle pit bulls named Gizmo, Princess and Snowball. To look into the eyes of these beautiful animals is to see what happens when love is infused into their upbringing and training. Often, I would be woken up on the couch, in the early morning hours by one of the dogs, who would place their head upon my shoulder…wanting to cuddle. 

Mixed in with our time, were visits to the dollar store, where Judy has devoted nineteen years to working at. I watched as she greeted customers by name, assisted with their purchases and dished out her sense of humour that makes my belly laugh! 

I met some of the other ladies who are employed by the same company. A woman named Lily touched my heart without knowing how deeply I was affected by her tragic loss. One day after Judy had gone into the store, I noticed a bumper sticker on Lily’s parked vehicle. It had a picture of a striking, young girl with golden hair and a beautiful smile. The words gripped my heart:

Justice for Caitlyn. 

Lily’s fifteen year old daughter Caitlyn had been murdered in Campbell River. In sharing about this tragedy, I wanted to bring focus on the horrible reality that the crimes committed against her have never seen justice occur!

In meeting Caitlyn’s mother Lily, I offered her a hug that only parents who have had a child pass away understand the significance; without having to say a word.

Another Brave Girl, Lily reminded me the sheer courage it takes to carry the torch, just as Judy has with her involvement with The Compassionate Friends. 

During the visit, my BFF and I shared endless moments of bonding, where our words gave away into bursts of laughter. Now, instead of tears of sorrow, we cried out our joy! At one point my attempt at being flirtatious with someone Judy knew, turned into a hysterical Mr. Bean scene and after the gentleman had left, my friend re-enacted my wallowing efforts…for the next hour, in between slapping her leg…still, I made no apologies. Deep inside, I thought how I would do anything- even place myself at the butt of jokes- just to see Judy encapsulated in happiness. 

Throughout the days we had together, I was treated by my friend to various dining experiences. The food was great company for the conversations we kept with one another. While engaged in talk about future dating prospects, I contort my face into an unappealing sight and Judy was in stitches. For me, this IS True friendship! Acting silly, holding each other when our worlds fall apart and being able to turn road travels into a sumptuous journey. 

While at a cafe in Courtney, I saw a beautiful "Sign." Both Lindsay and Shayla shared the middle name of Dawn in different variations. Before Shae passed, she was working on the Action of Homelessness Plan in Kamloops. I bought a jar of cherry jelly xo

Many late nights transpired as we talked far past the midnight hour… there was never any silence between us. 

When we exchanged our Christmas gifts, I was like an excited teenager giving my secret pal her presents! Our treasures to one another contained sentimental and silly things…yet what mattered most was that I was in the presence of someone who loves me and the battle scars I have. A friend who texts me how beautiful, fearless and wise I am. Judy is that special someone who I saw many people give hugs to in her community and they responded by saying “I love you!” It is the kindness of my friend that warrants such a glowing response, to those she encounters. 

Christmas gift I received from a young girl named Shania- who painted a quote from Maya Angelou- reminds me of Judy xo

Beyond all of the holiday things shared, I would lay awake and fold my hands in prayer, thanking God for the best present I ever received. On that Christmas Day when I met Judy Dowd, with all the tragic loss that separated us from our daughters…a million dreams we wished upon the stars…collided in our friendship. 

Candle of Life, Laughter and Love, hand decorated and gifted to me by Judy

Someday, I will take Judy to the special spot in Hawaii where I released my babygirl’s ashes and we can ‘visit’ Shayla… in Aloha spirit. 

The day of my departure, I asked my friend to take me to the ocean for a release connected to my daughter. I was overcome with emotion as she brought me to a memorial park, bordering the seaside that had wooden carvings of transformation…visions that encompassed the afterlife. I was drawn to a stunning angel, hands in prayer…looking out to the deep blue. 

I had bought a wishing card. It contained red tissue paper and I was to write five wishes. At the beach, once they were lit, my wishes were suppose to drift off towards the heavens. Only two made it…the others went down in flames. This prompted more laughter from both of us and kind of symbolic of how my life seems to play itself out. Only time will tell if my other two wishes come true.

Reaching into my sweater pocket, I pulled out something that had hung on my rear-view mirror for the past six years. Judy had no knowledge of what I was about to do. 

In my hands, I held onto the car keys and the KSS décor that once belonged to my sweet girl. These were the same keys that Shayla’s fingers had touched as she turned them over one last time in the ignition of her vehicle…the day she died. KSS was the school she had graduated from. It was time for me to let go. Releasing them back into the ocean only seemed fitting. Looking at Judy, I heaved them into the waters and said: “No matter what Shayla…the LOVE remains.” 

Before I left Campbell River, I gave this gift for my BFF. It was painted on canvas, from one of the many talented artists of the Brave Girls Club. 

In my daily emails, I receive uplifting messages from them. The following, sums up how at some point in every woman’s life, the feeling of inadequacy has been experienced. Let the words settle into each of you who have read my post… By TL Alton 

One of the funny things about life is that we often believe the one negative voice that is surrounded by the hundreds of positive ones. Please believe the people who love you, the people who know you, the people who want what is best for you.....and let go of any other voices that don't speak the truth. Even let go of the voices that speak the partial truth but then season it with a few painful jabs here and there that only cause discouragement and doubt. Stick to the truth. Yes, stick to the truth. The truth is that you are beloved...and that there is nothing you have to do to earn that or to fight for it or to maintain it. You are beloved. Right here, right now. You always have been and you always will be....and that is something that you can count on.
Please believe it.
You are so very loved.
Xoxo
Brave Girls Club      Link>>>    bravegirlsclub.com